232 Days and 76 years I wake uppeacefullyin my safe bed. Day 6 of being sick and I got some new prescriptions so I'm getting.... Instagram has new information about Rafah, Oh Rafah, oh Gaza, oh Falastine... He's holding up a.... There's fire everywhere, people screaming What happened there? It's so dark He was holding up a baby.... They said it was 2,000lbs bombs. I'm thinking about what those 2klbs bombs did in earlier months to buildings. Just leveled them, just pummeled them into the ground, into ash. These people are in tents. They used the night sky as a blanket until the missiles came raining down onto sleeping bodies with no building to be pummeled - straight to ash. I hope that wasn't his baby. How devastating to hold your baby like that... I have to get off of my phone. I feel guilty that I have the choice to turn it off; the pain. Take a pill, take the pain. I have to do something productive today. My phone is going crazy. Messages about grief. Messages about plans for the day. Mindlessly swiping through my screens. The apple news headlines really hit today. Reuters - "Israeli attack on Rafah tent camp kills 45, prompts international..." USA Today - "At least 19 dead after tornadoes, severe storm batter 4 states..." People - "Tom Brady & His kids spend Memorial Day on the water..." The Tennessean - "Nashville chef takes experience..." The Wall Street Journal - "How to have a great vacation..." Do they know they have taste? It's like sand mixed with iron. A bit of disassociation for breakfast. I'm writing a paper, I need to get it done, type type type. It's about Palestine, but I don't even know what to write when all I see in my brain are people burning alive, charred skin laying on the ground. Can I just submit a list of videos and call it done? It's dinner time, I have to get out of this house. I go with people to a restaurant, they know how to be normal. It's so loud, people singing happy birthday, people enjoying their time together. I plug one of my ears. Just be normal. There's basketball on the TV. I turn my eyes to the screen, hoping to concentrate on something else. My eyes are looking, but I'm not seeing, nothing is in front of me anymore, everything is in Falastine. My head is spinning I feel guilty for eating I feel guilty for living I wonder if I could fall right out of this chair. There is no more normal My stomach hurts He held up that baby's body and it had no head.